Rows of two, four, six dc’s alternating 7 colors in a repeating pattern. Capped by 7 rows of dc’s at each end in white, black border of sc, dc in row below.

THAT’S how I talk in crochet. And that’s enough. Sometimes I get really selfish when it comes to helping understand things. Sometimes I want to say, “Can’t you fucking get it??” Not very sober behavior. And very selfish behavior. Sometimes I want to say, “Just do it your way!” “Why do you need a freaking pattern??????” “Do you need your hand held or something?????” Again, NOT very helpful.

Wendy inspired me to finish this last night. And I thought of her the whole time. She sent me a little gift - a keychain with my name on it and a small crochet hook dangling from the key ring. Very sweet. Thanks, girl.

TOOF

I used Zara yarn in blue, green, purple, orange, black, white, red and Karabella’s Aurora in yellow. I liked the yellow of that brand vs. Zara’s yellow - so I mixed it up. That’s just the kind of crazy I am. Just because. One ball of each. Then, I joined the black and worked the border. Size G hook. You can make it however wide you want, but this one ended up being 6 3/4″ x 76″. There are two things about this scarf: 1) the number/pattern of either 2, 4, or 6 rows of double crochets. They go as follows:

2, 4, 2, 4, 4, 2, 6, 2, 2, 2, 4, 6. (don’t ask me why) and 2) the color order which are:

green, purple, yellow, blue, orange, red, white.

So, you start with a chain of 30 or so, work dc in each chain, and 6 more rows of dc. (all in white), then start working the repeats, beginning with 2 rows of green. Then 4 rows of purple, 2 rows of yellow, 4 rows of blue, and so on. The pattern of rows repeats, the pattern of colors repeats, but since they aren’t equal, the distribution will always be different. I’m not genius, it just came out that way. Enjoy.

Oh, and Wendy and I had a “special moment” last night when I got her card/gift.

I did something I haven’t done in a while the other day. I taught a private lesson. It was good to get back into it. I even saw an old friend, Hannah. (Hi Hannah). Shout out, you know. Knitters seem to all have their wits about them to hang in the same places. And right now in my life I’m desperately hanging on to any source of familiarity. Not really familiarity, but things that makes me comfortable. So the teaching thing was good.

Have you heard of this Malabrigo SOCK YARN??!??!??! Well, I felt it for the first time yesterday, and I swear to god, I’ve never wanted to lick something so badly as I did that. I think I might have, but blocked out the memory because the bad behavior was too much to bear. So, enter the thing I NEVER do. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. Review a yarn store. But when someone has 24 (TWENTY FOUR) colors of Malabrigo Sock Yarn, I mean, come ON!!!!!!!!!! (I should mention the yarn will be in the store in a month or so)

This is Yarntopia. It’s at 108th & Amsterdam here in Manhattan. Take the 1 train to 110/Cathedral Parkway. Short walk to the store. I think this woman is a bigger addict than I am. (wink, wink Dona)

The reason I don’t usually do “yarn store reviews” - is the same reason I wish “restaurant critics” didn’t exist. Like I heard someone once say, “Just because you have access to the internet and a stomach, doesn’t make you a food critic”. So, I’ll leave out the whole “That lady that owns that store is a bitch” song and dance. (But for the record - she’s NOT a bitch)

I mean, look at her, wouldya?

This is Dona. She owns the store. And she’s super sweet. We clicked instantly, like brand new Addis. Or old chatty Jewish friends, I’m not sure which yet. Oh, by the way - she has a downstairs that can be used for parties, gatherings, yarn circles (like crop circles - ask Dona about that story) or even better, beloved classes.

A couple more yarn shots and that’s all I got for you.

Closeup shot of the Malabrigo lace. 26 colors. At least that’s what I count. It’s in the other photo on the bottom right.

So, I’d say you should get your ass over there and say hi to Dona and the store and make friends with the fact you’ll be addicted to that wall with the crack cocaine on it. Just accept the things you cannot change. Ha.

This little number was an accident. Plain and simple. Never crossed my mind - never thought of it. It was originally going to be something COMPLETELY different. But I can’t tell you what that “something” is, because it’s still coming.

The story behind this is (assuming you want to hear it):

My friend Adam is a machine knitter. Way back when, I gave him a skein of Malabrigo Lace Weight in Black. I said, “just knit it up”. “i need to felt it.” “now.” (he’s good about me being demanding. he gets it.) and if it weren’t for the fact he and i would NEVER WORK as a couple, we’d be married with 46 children. we were separated at birth, i think.

anyway - so off to the laundromat i went (texting Adam the whole time)….”can’t wait to see it…” “i’ll let you know how it goes…” “almost done!!” “ooooh!” and then…

um.

hm.

ok.

so it took me a minute. but as i sit helplessly watching one idea die a slow painful death, i watched the birth of another. (these are splendid moments, indeed.) next stop - M&J Trimming in the Garment District (sort of) to figure out how to fashion a closure for this flap of gorgeous uneven pointy-at-the-tips felt. And since it’s Malabrigo Lace and not say, Lopi or Cascade Magnum (i thought only condoms were called Magnum??) - it’s like a felted t-shirt material.

so, it’s not exactly a pattern, you might even fuck it up (because it was machine-done, not hand-done) but, i’ll give you what i have.

Yarn: Malabrigo Lace Weight - 1 skein

knitted on machine

Gauge: maybe 9 or 10 sts/inch

CO 80 or 100 sts

knit stockinette until you run out of yarn.

BO all sts.

Wash the bitch.

Hope for the best.

Then buy a really badass closure and walk with a LOT of confidence so people say, “damn! that’s cool!!!!” (and do yourself a favor - try to pair it with something so you look really fashionable….)

Like a cigarette, maybe.

Test knitting can be a good thing. Usually I knit something and say, “ok! there it is! all done!” With no thought of improvement, adjustment, etc. Cuz you know how the hand-knitting thing is. Like you’re REALLY going to knit a whole sweater, put it on, realize, um..oh….maybe a stitch or two here… and then re-knit the whole thing. Don’t think so.

But, with Bounce, I love the squish of the fabric so much, I decided to make another one. And I may make 40 of them before it’s said and done. If you haven’t seen Kirsten’s version - it’s soooo purdy. Go look. Now about the test knitting - with the second one, I was comfortable. I wasn’t doing the whole “must-write-instructions-can’t-forget-anything”. It was more like, “ahhh-I-like-this-yarn-and-pattern” kind of thing. Then I had a moment where I said, “uh…WHY did you knit this like this????” So I changed it. There was a little purly bumpy row before the crown decreases started, and I didn’t really like the way it looked. So, I adjusted the pattern. So, if you’re among the 150+ people who have queued this pattern on Ravelry - just know that I altered it oh-so-slightly. And I love the Peach Blossom colorway. Go to Purl and get some Andy’s Merino. That woman is PSYCHO with her colors.

And you can go thank Scout for simplifying things and making all these patterns into PDF’s.  No more annoying text.  AND she used her own custom handwriting font for the patterns.  Isn’t that like having something in a museum about yourself???  Way cool.

Another little something I’ve been practicing lately - is making pieces without patterns. My workspace wall (besides being a hot mess) is covered in little magazine pieces, swatches, inspiration, etc. And I’m learning it’s ok to make something just to have in my collection, not necessarily to publish and say, “and here’s how you make it”. Would anyone like to make/wear a pigskin leather yarn vest? Who knows. But here it is.

It feels good to have everything come together. Everything in order. Well, almost everything. If I could just get rid of those homicidal urges I have every time I go to work.

Mr. Nodeth and I worked together again on a big beefy boy. We don’t often work together on boys; the “again” part is referring to us working together again. And I love what we come up with:

Pattern link HERE.

When it comes to cables - I have a love/hate thing. I love the look, texture, and all that other stuff people love about cables. But I HATE doing them. Hate charts, too. I mean, I like them and their functionality, but I hate that I can’t just read them and perform what they’re asking me to perform. I have to refer back to the explanations. And refer back. And refer back. And every time I have to flip pages back and forth, I go, “ugh. again”

I’ll shut my trap now. I’m bitching about nothing. At least I can use my fingers.

Model: Shaun Lanaire

I have another free pattern for you. Sorry I’ve been MIA for a minute.

Fashion Week here in NYC is winding down. It’s always a beast of a time, one reason being the type of clients it brings to the job. Fashion people. Lots of ‘em. And it’s a little strange since I feel like I love those “types”. But at my job, you can learn to hate people. And fast. So I just act like I’m a supermodel most of the time and imagine I’m on the catwalk.

I haven’t been discovered as of yet. I’ll keep you posted.

My friend/photographer Nodeth Vang came through in a big way for me last week.

Pattern link HERE.

This hat is so SQUISHY I can’t even take it. You’ll love it.

My yarn carries on the inside were oh-so-perfect. My color choice was impeccable. My gauge was spot-on.

I just DON’T KNOW HOW TO FOLLOW DIRECTIONS, apparently. I was so pissed yesterday. I’ve been making the Turn A Square from Mr. Jared. Rarely during the summer do I bring knitting out and about with me. It’s all about the A/C when you’re dealing with wool and 90+ temperatures. But we’ve had such beautiful weather here in NYC lately, that I decided to use my day off to its full potential. This included lunch with a new but oh-so-important-person-in-my-life friend, knitting in a coffee shop, reading through the latest issue of W magazine, people watching, getting a new tattoo, and then blissing out on the endorphins your body releases in response to 1 million needle sticks.

Speaking of blissing out - the colors I used for the hat didn’t immediately grab me - but as I worked it, they got better and better and better. So I guess I wanted to keep going and going and going. Without regard to the point in the instructions where it says “…until it measures 5″ from CO edge”. I realized it might be time to shape the crown when I’d knitted oh, I don’t know, maybe 7″. Too late. I do this thing when I’m out knitting in public where I get kinda lost in it. Headphones on, knitting Stockinette like a machine, every so often noticing someone staring at me, must look down - must keep knitting - don’t stop - (an hour later we’re at 7″.) So, I’ve affectionately renamed the hat:

Turn A Dammit.

Ugh. So, time to rip.

My skin got a little ripping, too. It’s pretty fitting, given the turn out of the knitting goods yesterday. We all need a little reminder from time to time, so this is mine:

Done by Katja Ramirez at New York Adorned. Love her. Love the ink.

So, I gotta tell you. When the Ravelry whirlwind hit - I was excited. I remember so many people telling me, “You just GOTTA join!” So I did. I got (very) busy taking photos, scanning, finishing projects, organizing yarn, digging out books, and pretty much everything else that would make me feel good about contributing a lot to the people out there joining that were looking for help/inspiration/information or whatever. I even donated money. I wanted it to work. And it was ok. For a while.

Now, it’s just like any other site that has open forums that any jackass can post in. They talk about things (not that they don’t have a right to talk, even George Bush has that right) that have NOTHING to do with any kind of crafting whatsoever. For example, favorite hairstyles (enter someone making a nasty comment about how HORRIBLE someone’s hair is, which leads to another whole exchange which might go a little something like:)

“i know, right! how dumb!”

“i know, right! can you believe that??!” “let’s keep this nonsense chat going, ok??”

“i know right! let’s try to come up with something else stupid to say!”

“ok!! that sounds like fun!”

“i know, RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!”

Needless to say, I’m a little over having to navigate through the cesspool of nonsense when I want to be able to read the posts/forums/etc and happen across something informative or funny or inspiring. And it’s getting bad.

So, I posted something to that effect on someone’s topic who wanted (once again) to invite attention/comments/exchange about something that she (no doubt) knew would start a fire. It’s boring. It’s common. And I could handle all of that, because yes, I know how to just not read it/ignore it whatever. BUT - I feel like Ravelry started out much different. I feel like it had such promise. There are even ENTIRE GROUPS devoted to watching the streams to see which ones look like there will be fighting/drama/whatever and then link to them so everyone can “rubberneck”. And then talk about them. Is your life THAT boring??????????????????????

Then the common, been-done-before statements about “oh, he’s this and that and blah blah blah” come up. And the whatever else that bores everyone to tears. Then they expect you to join their little group and fight with them, cuz that gets them MORE attention.

Bottom line: I won’t even be reading the forums on Ravelry anymore. They’ve just gotten too ridiculous. The posting of patterns/designs is still a good feature, though.

Oh- and if you’re thinking of posting an ANONYMOUS comment here on THIS forum, girlfriend - - it’ll just be deleted, I’ll roll my eyes and think you’re a moron, and I won’t reply. So don’t waste your time.

**Next post - another free pattern and back to your regularly-scheduled program of me being me.

You know, I had a pretty emotional day on Monday. The kind of day you wanna just say to your gut, “WOULD YOU CRY ALREADY!?!?!?!??!!?!??”

I started by finding out exactly what was up with one of my flickr contacts, Ezra. Cancer.

Sometimes I think we get so far up our own asses that we forget there are other people in this world. You know the type - those people who NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT THEMSELVES. It’s ALLLLLLLLLL about them. What’s going on in their lives, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.

Etc to the point of creating a shell. Creating a barrier around our outside. Around my outside. It just gets to be too much.

I went on a date the other night. It was ok. Cheap. Which is good. We saw the movie “Elegy” with Ben Kingsley, Penelope Cruz, et al. Cancer. AGAIN. That was the closest I got to the relief of actual tears coming down my face for the day.

And then I started thinking about work. And perspective. And money. And happiness. And it just flowed and flowed and flowed. (the thoughts, not the tears) My work involves seeing a lot of celebrities. Like every day. And something changed in me the other day, as I was waiting on Thom Yorke of Radiohead. He was so simple. So at-ease. So uncomplicated. So UNLIKE what everyone else was behaving like. And it allowed me to step back. In a good way. And just be with his calm. Calm is something I’ve been craving lately, because there’s little opportunity for it here.

I don’t know where I’m going with all this.

How ’bout a free pattern????

CCCC (Cashmere Cancer Chemo Cap)

US 5 Needles 16” circular
US 5 DPN’s

Jade Sapphire “Zageo” 6 ply Mongolian Cashmere
Colorway #47 Blueblood Red

Gauge:  5sts/8rws = 4″ in St st

CO 88 sts
Place marker, join in the round, being careful not to twist the stitches.
Knit 14 rounds of k2p2 ribbing.
Change to St st.

Knit approx 3” of St st. (24 rounds)

CROWN SHAPING:

Round 1: *Right slant decrease, k18, ssk, rep from *, ending with ssk.
Round 2: knit

Continue dec with these 2 rounds, knitting 2 less sts in between the decreases. k16, k14, k12, and so on. Remember to knit an even round in between dec rounds.

When there are 2 sts rem on each dpn, cut the yarn, leaving a 12” tail. Weave through remaining sts, weave in ends.

Believe in the kindness of strangers.

I have to go into this right away - just to get it off my mind. Not that the producers of Project Runway care what I think, but, well…

Can you say DISAPPOINTED?! For me, PR made this odd transition from a season 4 full of funny characters, great designs, and “semi-maturity” to a now “MTV crowd pleaser”. What’s WITH the guy obsessed with tanning? He’s obviously picked up on the whole “oooh -maybe if I come up with a couple cute words and repeat them over and over and over and over and over and over I’ll be famous” recipe. Girlicious? Give me a break. Next.

And the fact that they had Austin Scarlett as a guest judge BECAUSE he won that challenge when it debuted was a JOKE. The decision to play the clip at EXACTLY the moment when part of his shit was falling apart was, well, genius. BRAVO, Bravo.

The guy who made the plastic cup dress will be in the final 3. And that bitchy black guy has to GO. He’s contaminating the energy of the whole show.

There is, however, a silver lining in all this. The word CROCHET was used by my so-far favorite of the bunch. She was SOOOOO cheated that more attention wasn’t paid to her mop-head crocheted/braided/whatever top. THAT was innovative. She’ll be in the top three, too.

And that “Suede” character? He should be the next to go. Or maybe Blayne. Or maybe Jerell. I’ve just never watched this show and been so anxious for people to get kicked off! It’s a horrible cast, truly. The past seasons I felt like it was a group of designers, at least. This season just reminds me of a circus freak show. And “not in a good way”. And Heidi should stop saying that. It’s getting old. And noticeable. Like spinach in your teeth noticeable.

All I’m saying is it’s not a good sign and doesn’t bode well for the rest of the season when I roll my eyes through half of it. I’m crossing my fingers for next week’s episode. You may ask why I’m watching at all? Well, through all the bullshit, I see little moments of inspiration in this show. Color, innovation, creativity, fabric, texture….It’s like design cocaine. Makes me feel like I could be a rock star.

But I was inspired to make something recently. Out of this yarn:

It’s a new colorway from Scout. I don’t even think it’s called anything yet. But I saw gauntlets immediately. Cable-y, crazy gauntlets. Who knows when I’ll actually DO them.

So I leave you with a free pattern. This is Keemosahbee.

Materials:

• Alchemy’s Bamboo - 1 skein (I don’t remember what color this is)
• Size US 5 needles
• Tapestry needle to weave in ends (only 2 ends to weave)

Gauge:

Who cares

Finished dimensions:

About 36″ x 3.5″ (unblocked)

This head band can EASILY be adjusted for width, thereby making it longer. You can make it really short and wide (bandanna) or really long and skinny. Multiples of 4 make it sooooooo simple to do, AND you can see how wide it will be by adding or subracting little sections of stitches. Each cluster is about 1/2″ wide. Hence the 3.5″ dimension on mine. I have 7 clusters. The bamboo is perfect and lightweight for summer. So go ahead girls - tie up that hair. It’s a mess anyway.

CO 30 sts. You will always slip the first stitch purlwise and knit the last stitch of every row.

Row 1: Sl 1 wyif, *sl 1 wyib, k3, psso the three knitted sts. Repeat from * to last st - k1.

Row 2: Sl 1, *p3, yo, rep from * to last st, k1, LEAVING YARN IN FRONT.

Row 3: Sl 1, knit across

Row 4: Sl 1, purl to last st, k1.

Repeat Rows 1-4 until you run out of yarn. Love it.